I think there is kindness in not being a backseat driver. I try to bite my tongue when my hubby is behind the wheel but there are times when this does not work and an argument ensues. This week, however, I am making a diligent effort to be a kind  – and quiet – passenger.

In turn, I’d like to thank to all the kind souls who held their tongues while I was behind the wheel – thank you.

Although I can no longer thank my grandfather in person, I will send a shout out to him for his kindness – and patience – in teaching me to drive. He was my designated adult. Mom was too nervous with me behind the wheel and my dad had given up on me learning the rules of the road. So there was Grandpa, recuperating from a surgery, and patiently riding shotgun with me.

Looking back on it now, I can’t think of a more dreadful way to recuperate. Stuck in the passenger seat of a yellow Volkswagon Rabbit with a surly teenager and her newly minted learner’s permit.

He never complained about my driving skills though. Not even when I pressed hard on the gas pedal to back out of a parking space only to realize I was not in reverse. Not even when car tires weaved on and off the dirt road. And he stayed silent while I continued to adjust cassette tapes while circling around the same streets, trying to determine how many times I could drive past my boyfriend’s house without his family noticing. Grandpa never said a word.

Perhaps after all he had been through with his surgery he thought, if it’s going to end now, it might as well end right here in a little yellow diesel rabbit driven by my granddaughter.

Through all of this, somehow, I managed to get to my driver’s license. Even more remarkable my grandfather continued to ride with me. Perhaps he was indeed my perfect driving companion.

Yet it is family nonetheless – genes united, faith intertwined. Acceptance and kindness for who we do become may be the secret ingredient to a much better family stew.

A Recipe for Family Stew

• Take 1 large pot. Mix together assorted sizes, shapes, and temperaments of Mom and Dad.
• Add children gradually with care and love.
• Sprinkle on dreams, encouragement, patience, honesty, and pride.
• Stir in work, friends, pets, schools, life’s ups and downs, picnics, parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, nuts and bolts.
• Don’t forget some craziness, kisses, hugs, fanny pats, and more patience, tooth faries, Santa Claus, angels, witches, gremlins, and goblins.
• Take a large scoop of luck, an abundance of energy; keep blending constantly with all the other ingredients.
• Bring to a boil – then simmer for 20 or more years over a very moderate flame.

If the stew becomes too thick after 15 years or so, turn off the heat (teen years); stew can turn unpredictable at this time.

All stews are original and need generous amounts of imagination, fortitude, and tolerance to keep from turning rancid.

The magic of this incredible stew is that after 50 years the aroma still lingers and the pot never empties, although the flavor may vary, depending on tastes, preference, and seasonings.

Bon Appetit!

Insomnia

I missed you this morning

it was like

sleeping without my sheet

even though

the quilt was pulled up to my chin

 

there was no warmth

no heat against

my back

no breath against

my temple

nothing that wasn’t

my own

I was shivering and I never realized how lonely

I could be

by myself

- By Christina Morales

“We will never look at a paper clip the same way again”

Piles of multicolored, plastic-coated paperclips are scattered throughout my kitchen drawer – pink, lime green, yellow, triangular and circular shaped. As I get a head start on my New Year’s resolution to declutter, I am feeling much like this quote at the end of the Paper Clips documentary. I will never look at these paper clips the same way again.

The reason: Watching the paperclip project unfold at a Whitewell, TN middle school put the magnitude of the Holocaust into a whole new perspective. For those who have not seen it, this remarkable class attempted to collect over 6 million paper clips each representing the number of Jews killed by Nazis during the Holocaust. Their efforts went well beyond 6 million paper clips and showed us all how tolerance can be a lesson embraced by any part of the world, even a mostly homogenic southern town.

So I am now at my desk posting to my blog, but today I am wearing a paperclip. This momento attached to my shirt is my way of remembering those who have lost their lives because of their beliefs.

Although the paper clip drive in Whitewell, TN may long be over, there are still many ways to support tolerance and remember victims of the Holocaust, including wearing your paper clip during Holocaust Remembrance week. Another way is to write to your mayor or governor urging them to sign a proclamation declaring Holocaust Remembrance Week. You can also show your support for the following pledge found on the PaperClip Campaign site by reposting it on your site:

I believe that…
every person has worth as an individual
every person is entitled to dignity and respect
every hate crime or act of prejudice, discrimination, or bigotry causes damage
the victims of hate crimes, including acts of terrorism, deserve to be remembered
our troops serving in war deserve our support

Therefore, from this day forward, I will do my part to promote equality and solidarity and to denounce hate crimes, prejudice, and discrimination.

I will treat all people with dignity and respect and will encourage Americans to “bind together” for this purpose.

Surprisingly, I used to believe this time was “selfish”. I would grit my teeth when a coworker with 3 kids would talk about going to her Pilates class three times a week thinking, “how can she find the time? that’s selfish.” Crazy, right? If my husband said he was looking into taking an evening class at a local college, my first comments to him would be, “Are you sure you have the time to study? What if I have to work late that night? Who will watch the kids?”. Great support, huh? Boy was I was wrong.

I am changing my way of thinking about what kindness means for oneself. I have developed my list of ways that I will show “k”I”ndness” (which I will share with my husband so maybe he too will write his own “k”I”ndness” list):

1. Practice yoga
2. Learn how to knit
3. Take French classes
4. Long walks at least 4 times a week
5. Write
6. Drink just 1 cup of coffee a day
7. Give up diet soda
8. Go to church
9. Eat more veggies
10. Meditate daily

I encourage anyone looking to share a small act of kindness to find lyrics (or even write your own) to share with someone you care about and let them know why the song is so meaningful.

I hope you dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.

You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger.

May you never take a single breath for granted.

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed.

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.

Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit out or dance, I hope you dance!

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance.

Never settle for the path of least resistance.

Living might be taking chances but they’re worth taking.

Loving might be a mistake but it’s worth making.

Give the heavens up above more than a passing glance.

And if you get the chance to sit it out or to dance…

Don’t let some heck-bent heart leave you bitter.

When you come close to selling out reconsider.

Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along.

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.

I first heard about “Layaway Angels” this year in our local paper. These acts of kindness have been happening here, and all around the US, with people going into department stores and paying off the layaway balances of complete strangers.

My son and I decided to do this as well. We went into a local Kmart and asked if there was a layaway balance due for toys that we could pay off. We obviously were not the first ones to make this request as the clerk had a list of amounts due already written down. We found one account with an outstanding balance in our budget range who (the family had already made two payments towards the layaway). We paid off the balance due right then and there and, I have to admit, this was probably one of the easiest acts of kindness I have ever done.

I left the store appreciating that there would be no expectation of a thank you in return – just a belief that a parent or grandparent somewhere will sleep a little easier tonight knowing their child’s gift is under the tree and they have a little extra money in their pocket this holiday.

Here are some other stories, including the article that got me inspired, of Layaway Angels spreading joy this season:

Secret Santas: Anonymous people are paying off strangers’ layaway accounts at Kmarts
Valley Grandmother touched by layaway angel
Layaway angel stops in Central KY pays off balances at Kmart and WalMart
Layaway Angels rally to help strangers

A Year of Kindness

It is Christmas 2011 and I am beginning a 365-day journey, “a year of kindness”, which I will share with you through this blog and hopefully with others who will join me as well. My hope is to journal an act of kindness each day so others can see how easy it to make things better, even without a lot of time or money.

My inspiration for a year of kindness has come from so many different stories, it is impossible to begin to chronicle what has led me down this path. However, Dacher Keltner’s writing about jen science has been a powerful source of inspiration. Jen (the Confucian principle of kindness, humanity, and respect between people) is used by Keltner to illustrate a jen ratio. In a jen ratio, being kind and doing good works is counter balanced as a numerator against what is bad in your life (denominator).

The following paragraph from Keltner’s book “Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life” really spurned me forward on this 365-day project:

For the individual, new studies are finding that a high jen ratio, a devotion to bringing the good in others to completion, is the path to the meaningful life. Engaging in five acts of kindness a week—donating blood, buying a friend a sundae, giving money to someone in need—elevates personal well-being in lasting ways. Spending twenty dollars on someone else (or giving it to charity) leads to greater boosts in happiness than spending that money on oneself (even though most people think that spending money on themselves would be the surer route to happiness). When pitted against one another in competitive economic games, cooperators and those who forgive selfish partners fare better than competitors in terms of economic outcome. New neuroscience suggests we are wired for jen: When we give to others, or act cooperatively, reward centers of the brain (the nucleus accumbens, a region dense with dopamine receptors) hums with activity. Giving may enhance self-interest more than receiving.

I will continue to chronicle other stories which have motivated me forward with this quest to do kind acts, and also want to share with you the “Kindness Thought Bubble” – a video collaboration from www.ThoughtBubble.org and writer Amy Krouse Rosenthal.