Turning 40 | Cooking at 40

My Dad

Published: February 22, 2010

My dad is in the hospital today. I live far from my family so the only thing I can do today is to anxiously wait. Waiting is horrible. For anyone who has had someone you love become ill, you probably know what I mean.

For some, attempting a Lindsey Vonn visualization exercise helps the time go by. That’s when you start visualizing a doctor telling your loved one that he will be fine, and to take 2 aspirins and go home.

For others, you may begin to remember moments in time with your loved one. As the movie reel plays in your mind, your anxiety may soon turn bittersweet.

You begin to feel bad about being such a bratty kid when you were young and then you realize you have two bratty kids (at times) of your own and perhaps that’s just the way kids are.
And you see how hard it is to raise a family while working and you remind yourself to thank your dad for just being him.
And you see how scary the world can be and you finally understand why your dad would go out looking for you if you were not home before dark and you add this to your list of thank you’s.
And then you start to feel bad about dating someone 4 years older than you when you were 16 and you silently thank God that you have boys .
And then you begin to wonder how on earth your father was able to handle you moving 3,000 miles away when you were 22 and realize that your kids will probably do the same.
And then you wonder how your father reacted when he learned that you had moved into your San Francisco apartment with 3 strange boys and you think perhaps your mom never told him.
And you get a little sad remembering when you had to leave Seattle after your parents relocated there and you wonder if your dad has ever really forgiven you.
And, as you wait by the phone, you question why you have to live so far away and then realize that it is just how things were meant to be.

And then, after speaking with him on the phone, you hang up and wonder if you will handle aging and being sick as gracefully as he does.

And for that, you realize, you will just have to wait and see.

My 7 Year Old Likes to Tease Me

Published: February 17, 2010

My 7 year old likes to tease me. I know exactly where that teasing gene came from: my dad…my uncles…my grandpa…There’s a long lineage of teasing that has been passed on to my son.

So you can imagine the fun he is having with my upcoming LET’S NOT TELL ANYONE MY AGE NOW birthday. Unfortunately for me, somewhere along the way these past few weeks he has learned that his mom is not too happy about her upcoming age change. Therefore he has decided that it will be pure amusement to torment me about turning LET’S NOT TELL ANYONE MY AGE NOW.

Is it April Yet?

His teasing most often occurs in public places. School parties, the post office, grocery store. It will start out nice and innocent like when we’re in the produce aisle picking out bananas. “Mom, is it April yet?” At first I will naively think that maybe he’s hoping there will be strawberries to buy in April, that is until I hear his follow up question: “Mom, aren’t you 40 now?”

I then do the “pretend I didn’t hear it” tactic and don’t respond. This never works with my son, though, and he repeats the question in an even louder voice, “MOM, AREN’T YOU 40 NOW?”

I respond in an equally loud voice, “No honey, I am definitely not 40″ and give him a wink and a big wide “Silly little boy” smile to nearby shoppers.

Nothing gets by this kid though. He will then respond in a scolding voice, “Mom, Dad said you were turning 40.” I then lower my voice a bit and say, “Yes, honey, but it is not April.”

Now this is the time when I begin to curse the day that he learned about the calendar in Kindergarten and I make note to write to his teacher advocating that calendars are not taught until 2nd grade because this is when he decides to reply, “Well mom, April is only a few weeks away so you’re really 40.”

Bless my child. I can only hope that someday he marries a patient woman who is not afraid of aging.

My Camera and I Have a Love Hate Relationship

Published: February 16, 2010

My camera and I have a love / hate relationship. I show my camera nothing but love and adoration while my camera continues to hate me. It’s pretty straight forward. Our roles are clear. However, I’m not sure how it all started.

I suspect it may have something to do with the day I plunked down more money than I care to confide here on this camera. That was the day that I was fondling my new camera proudly while walking out of the store and then proceeded to drop it on the sidewalk. No doubt an omen of what was to come and, sure enough, my camera has tortured me ever since.

Our relationship has not improved with age

Our relationship, this camera and I, has not improved with age. I will take it gleefully to important life events — Christmas concerts, my kid’s sporting events, family birthday parties — and it will decide to act up and misbehave.

My camera starts out acting nice, leading me on by giving me one really good shot. This is when I remember why I spent more money than I care to confide here on this camera. Then, just as quickly as it gave me that one good shot, my camera will suddenly turn on me.

Torture devices are varied

My camera’s torture devices are varied, such as when it decides without any warning that its battery is dead. And this usually occurs right as we are about to sing Happy Birthday, or when my son is going to score a goal. Other times my camera changes things up a bit, claiming its “memory card is full” even though I cleared it out before leaving the house.
Yet these hardships are nothing compared to the pictures it takes of me. This is when the camera really decides to get vicious. Now, if you’ve known me for a few years, you will see the evidence of my camera’s intolerable treatment: Closed eyes, red eyes, eyes squinting, mouth open, no smile, too much smile, gums showing, hair in eyes, hair sticking up — you name it, my camera has captured it all (and laughed at me the whole time).

At some point I will have had enough. That is the day that I will go and spend more money than I care to confide here on a new camera. I’m looking forward to that day. After all, show me a photogenic person and I will show you a nice and very well-behaved camera.

Ode to a Bay Window

Published: February 6, 2010

One thing you notice as you get older is that your house starts to look the way your body feels. The paint begins to crack, window frames look worn, tables get coffee-stained, and couch fabrics are torn. Even your curtains start to look wrinkly and faded from the sun. You know in your heart that it’s time for a makeover — for your house (although you could probably use one as well) — and you start to dream about how you could get on a show like ABC’s Extreme Makeover Home Edition.

Knowing that reality shows are not in my near future (there is no “balloon boy” living in this house), I decided to restart my honey-do list. The vacuum cleaner was first on my list of repairs. I honestly believe this is the most important item we have in our house.

Going without a vacuum for even a day means wading through 3 inches of hair to get down the hall to our living room, only then to sit down on a chair to become covered by another inch of fur.

Leaving the house looking like an exact replica of your Golden Retriever is not very attractive. It would be very reasonable for people to stand as far away from me as possible, especially those who are allergic to pets. So you can see why the Sears call had to be first on my list. And $88 later I am still waiting for my vacuum to come home.

In the meantime, in between dusting the pet hair off my clothes, I have been obsessing about our front windows. Three windows actually: 2 bedroom windows and 1 bay. There are so many reasons to replace these windows that I will not even get into the details but let me assure you of one thing: Windows are not cheap.

And, just when you think you have found the cheapest windows out there, you are told that no matter what you do for your house NEVER EVER go with the cheapest windows. So now we are looking at over $6,000 just for a bay window. This eye-popping, “hurt my wallet” sum has made me write a poem that I will now entitle:

Ode to the Bay Window

$6,000 for a bay window
Now I know why I am feeling so blue,
This was the price of my new car at age 22.

$6,000 for a bay window
Single-paned, cracked, chipped and worn,
The decision to shell out more on this house is enough to cause me to mourn.

$6,000 for a bay window
They say I’ll save money in tax credits and heating
So if they’re right, why do I feel like they’re cheating?

$6,000 for a bay window
I’m willing my heating problems to some other louse,
Maybe it’s cheaper to just sell this darn house.

Saying Goodbye to a Decade

Published: February 4, 2010

Most people said goodbye to a decade on January 1st of this year. I will be saying goodbye to a decade in April. It will not be easy. Aging is never easy, especially for a middle-aged woman. There. I said it. “Middle-aged”. It’s out there now for everyone to read.

What will life be like at 40? Well, I’ve spent the last 10 years planning ahead. I will do X by this age, I will have Y by this date. I’m tired of thinking about what’s next and frankly, what’s next is not looking quite as youthful as it was 10 years ago.

So at 40 I will begin by looking back and rejoicing in all that has been. To start things off, here’s list of accomplishments over the last decade (no particular order here).

My List

I gave birth to my second son (My first was born in the previous decade)
My husband and I are still together after 12 years (somehow he’s managed to put up with my nagging)
I earned my MBA while nursing a newborn (OK- that’s not exactly how it went but the kids were young)
I became a tutor for children diagnosed with dyslexia (one of the most rewarding jobs I’ve ever had)
I started my own consulting business (and still hoping to someday make a paycheck)
My husband and I bought our 1st home (then sold it, then bought our 2nd home and are now broke)
In one year I took microbiology, human anatomy & physiology, and cell biology and passed them all (but I was a real pill to live with the entire time. Thank you hubby!)
I was a volunteer teacher at a city public school (working in city schools puts everything into perspective. I hope I can do even more in the next decade)

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